what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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