Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
