i wish there were pregnant emoticons
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
