Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
