i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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