she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
