ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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