Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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