he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
