question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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