the day after is always just damage control
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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