You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
