I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
