Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
