Michael Bay diarrhea
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
