I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
