"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
