i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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