Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
