i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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