is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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