you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
