Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
