I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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