"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize