some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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