The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
