He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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