if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
