alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
