i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
