Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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