u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
