i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
