so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize