I'm going to jail i love you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
