Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
