a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
