I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
