Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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