rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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