I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
