My underwear smells like fireworks.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
