Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
