for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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