Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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