your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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