He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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