Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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