You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Damn victory sex feels great
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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