About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
