You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
