ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
