I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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