I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
