You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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