Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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