So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
