I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
