i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
