I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize