One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
