toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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