The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
