Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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