If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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