Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
