Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
