never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
