Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
