He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize