My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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