i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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